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Christian Behavior With a word of direction to all backsliders. By J O H N.B U N Y A N. 1674. Written in 1663, while imprisoned in Bedford Prison. This was John Bunyan's third book during his first incarceration. |
DUTIES OF THE MASTER OF A FAMILY.
f thou have under thee a family, then thou art to consider the
several relations thou standest under; and art to know, that thou in each of them
hast a work to do for God, and that he expecteth thy faithful deportment under every
one of them. As, in general;
DUTY TO THE FAMILY IN GENERAL.
He that is the master of a family, he hath, as under that relation, a work to do
for God; to wit, the right governing of his own family. And his work is twofold.
First, Touching the spiritual state thereof. Second, Touching the outward state thereof.
First, As touching the spiritual state of his family; he ought to be very diligent
and circumspect, doing his utmost endeavour both to increase faith where it is begun,
and to begin it where it is not. Wherefore, to this end, he ought diligently and
frequently to lay before his household such things of God, out of his word, as are
suitable for each particular. And let no man question his rule in the word of God
for such a practice; for if the thing itself were but of good report, and a thing
tending to civil honesty, it is within the compass and bounds even of nature itself,
and ought to be done; much more things of a higher nature; besides, the apostle exhorts
us to 'Whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, pure, lovely, and
of good report, to think of them,' that is, to be mindful to do them (Phil 4:8).
But to be conversant in this godly exercise in our family, is very worthy of praise,
and doth much become all Christians. This is one of the things for which God so highly
commended his servant Abraham, and that with which his heart was so much affected.
I know Abraham, saith God, 'I know him' to be a good man in very deed, for 'he will
command his children, and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of
the Lord' (Gen 18:19). This was a thing also which good Joshua designed should be
his practice as long as he had a breathing time in this world. 'As for me,' saith
he, I 'and my household, we will serve the Lord' (Josh 24:15).
Further, we find also in the New Testament, that they are looked upon as Christians
of an inferior rank that have not a due regard to this duty; yea, so inferior as
not fit to be chosen to any office in the church of God. A [bishop or] pastor must
be one that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all
gravity; For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care
of the church of God? 'The deacon' also, saith he, must 'be the husband of one wife,
ruling their children, and their own house well' (1 Tim 3). Mark a little, the apostle
seems to lay down thus much, that a man that governs his family well, hath one qualification
belonging to a pastor or deacon in the house of God, for he that knoweth not how
to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God? which thing considered,
it giveth us light into the work of the master of a family, touching the governing
of his house.
1. A pastor must be sound and uncorrupt in his doctrine; and indeed so must the master
of a family (Titus 1:9; Eph 6:4).
2. A pastor should be apt to teach, to reprove, and to exhort; and so should the
master of a family (1 Tim 3:2; Deut 6:7).
3. A pastor must himself be exemplary in faith and holiness; and so also should the
master of a family (1 Tim 3:2-4; 4:12). 'I,' saith David, 'will behave myself in
a perfect way; I will walk in,' or before, 'my house with a perfect heart' (Psa 101:2).
4. The pastor is for getting the church together; and when they are so come together,
then to pray among them, and to preach unto them. This is also commendable in Christian
masters of families.
Object.
But my family is ungodly and unruly, touching all that is good. What shall I do?
Answer.
1. Though this be true, yet thou must rule them, and not they thee! Thou are set
over them of God, and thou art to use the authority which God hath given thee, both
to rebuke their vice, and to show them the evil of their rebelling against the Lord.
This did Eli, though not enough; and thus did David (1 Sam 2:24, 25; 1 Chron 28:9).
Also, thou must tell them how sad thy state was when thou wast in their condition,
and so labour to recover them out of the snare of the devil (Mark 5:19).
2. Thou oughtest also to labour to draw them forth to God's public worship, if peradventure
God may convert their souls. Saith Jacob to his household, and to all that were about
him, 'Let us arise and go up to Bethel; and I will make there an altar unto God,
who answered me in the day of my distress' (Gen 35:3). Hannah would carry Samuel
to Shiloh, that he might abide with God for ever (1 Sam 1:22). Indeed a soul rightly
touched, will labour to draw, not only their families, but a whole city after Jesus
Christ (John 4:28-30).
3. If they are obstinate, and will not go forth with thee, then do thou get godly
and sound men to thy house, and there let the word of God be preached, when thou
hast, as Cornelius, gathered thy family and friends together (Acts 10).
You know that the jailor, Lydia, Crispus, Gaius, Stephanus, and others, had not only
themselves, but their families, made gracious by the word preached, and that some
of them, if not all, by the word preached in their houses (Acts 16:14-34; 18:7, 8;
1 Cor 1:16). And this, for ought I know, might be one reason among many, why the
apostles taught in their day, not only publicly, but from house to house; I say,
that they might, if possible, bring in those in some family, which yet remained unconverted,
and in their sins (Acts 10:24; 20:20, 21). For some, you know how usual it was in
the day of Christ, to invite him to their houses, if they had any afflicted, that
either would not or could not come unto him (Luke 7:2, 3; 8:41). If this be the way
with those that have outward diseases in their families, how much more then, where
there are souls that have need of Christ, to save them from death and eternal damnation!
4. Take heed that thou do not neglect family duties among them thyself; as, reading
the word and prayer; if thou hast one in thy family that is gracious, take encouragement;
nay, if thou art alone, yet know that thou hast both liberty to go to God through
Christ, and also art at that time in a capacity of having the universal church join
with thee for the whole number of those that shall be saved.
5. Take heed that thou suffer not any ungodly, profane, or heretical books, or discourse
in thy house. 'Evil communications corrupt good manners' (1 Cor 15:33). I mean such
profane or heretical books, &c., as either tend to provoke to looseness of life,
or such as do oppose the fundamentals of the gospel. I know that Christians must
be allowed their liberty as to things indifferent; but for those things that strike
either at faith or holiness, they ought to be abandoned by all Christians, and especially
by the pastors of churches, and masters of families; which practice was figured out
by Jacob's commanding his house, and all that was with him, to put away the strange
gods from among them, and to change their garments (Gen 35:2). All those in the Acts
set a good example for this, who took their curious books and burned them before
all men, though they were worth fifty thousand pieces of silver (Acts 19:18, 19).
The neglect of this fourth particular hath occasioned ruin in many families, both
among children and servants. It is easier for vain talkers, and their deceivable
works, to subvert whole households, than many are aware of (Titus 1:10, 11). Thus
much touching the spiritual state of thy household. And now to its outward.
Second, Touching the outward state of thy family, thou art to consider these three
things.
1. That it lieth upon thee to care for them that they have a convenient livelihood.
'If any man provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he
hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel' (1 Tim 5:8). But mark, when
the Word saith, thou art to provide for thy house, it giveth thee no license to distracting
carefulness; neither doth it allow thee to strive to grasp the world in thy heart,
or coffers, nor to take care for years or days to come, but so to provide for them,
that they may have food and raiment; and if either they or thou be not content with
that, you launch out beyond the rule of God (1 Tim 6:8; Matt 6:34). This is to labour,
that you may have wherewith 'to maintain good works for necessary uses' (Titus 3:14).
And never object, that unless you reach farther, it will never do; for that is but
unbelief. The word saith, 'That God feedeth ravens, careth for sparrows, and clotheth
the grass;' in which three, to feed, clothe, and care for, is as much as heart can
wish (Luke 12:6-28).
2. Therefore though thou shouldest provide for thy family; yet let all thy labour
be mixed with moderation; 'Let your moderation be known unto all men' (Phil 4:5).
Take heed of driving so hard after this world, as to hinder thyself and family from
those duties towards God, which thou art by grace obliged to; as private prayer,
reading the scriptures, and Christian conference. It is a base thing for men so to
spend themselves and families after this world, as that they disengage their heart
to God's worship. Christians, 'The time is short: it remaineth that both they that
have wives be as though they had none; and they that weep, as though they wept not;
and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that use this world,
as not abusing it; for the fashion of this world passeth away' (1 Cor 7:29-31). Many
Christians live and do in this world, as if religion were but a by-business, and
this world the one thing necessary; when indeed all the things of this world are
but things by the by; and religion only the one thing needful (Luke 10:40-42).
3. If thou wouldst be such a master of a family as becomes thee, thou must see that
there be that Christian harmony among those under thee, as becomes that house where
one ruleth that feareth God.
(1.) Thou must look that thy children and servants be under subjection to the word
of God; for though it is of God only to rule the heart, yet he expecteth that thou
shouldest rule their outward man; which if thou dost not, he may in a short time
cut off all they stock, [even every male] (1 Sam 3:11-14). See therefore that thou
keep them temperate in all things, in apparel, in language, that they be not gluttons,
nor drunkards; not suffering either thy children vainly to domineer over thy servants,
nor they again to carry themselves foolishly towards each other.
(2.) Learn to distinguish between that injury that in thy family is done to thee,
and that which is done to God; and though thou oughtest to be very zealous for the
Lord, and to bear nothing that is open transgression to him; yet here will be thy
wisdom, to pass by personal injuries, and to bury them in oblivion: 'Love covereth
a multitude of sins.' Be not then like those that will rage and stare like madmen,
when they are injured; and yet either laugh, or at least not soberly rebuke, and
warn, when God is dishonoured.
'Rule thy own house well, having thy children with others in thy family in subjection,
with all gravity' (1 Tim 3:4). Solomon was so excellent sometimes this way, that
he made the eyes of his beholders to dazzle (2 Chron 9:3, 4). [7] But to break off from
this general, and to come to particulars.
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