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Christian Behavior With a word of direction to all backsliders. By J O H N.B U N Y A N. 1674. Written in 1663, while imprisoned in Bedford Prison. This was John Bunyan's third book during his first incarceration. |
DUTY OF PARENTS TO CHILDREN
f thou are a parent, a father, or a mother, then thou art to consider
thy calling under this relation.
Thy children have souls, and they must be begotten of God as well as of thee, or
they perish. And know also, that unless thou be very circumspect in thy behavior
to and before them, they may perish through thee: the thoughts of which should provoke
thee, both to instruct, and also to correct them.
First, To instruct them as the scripture saith, and to 'bring them up in the nurture
and admonition of the Lord'; and to do this diligently, 'when thou sittest in thine
house when thou liest down, and when thou risest up' (Eph 6:4; Deu 6:7).
Now to do this to purpose:
1. Do it in terms and words easy to be understood: affect not high expressions, they
will drown your children. Thus God spake to his children (Hosea 12:10), and Paul
to his (1 Cor 3:2).
2. Take heed of filling their heads with whimsies, and unprofitable notions, for
this will sooner learn them to be malapert and proud, than sober and humble. Open
therefore to them the state of man by nature; discourse with them of sin, of death,
and hell; of a crucified Saviour, and the promise of life through faith: 'Train up
a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it'
(Prov 22:6).
3. There must be much gentleness and patience in all thy instructions, 'lest they
be discouraged' (Col. 3:21). And,
4. Labour to convince them by a conversation answerable, that the things of which
thou instructest them are not fables, but realities; yea, and realities so far above
what can be here enjoyed, that all things, were they a thousand times better than
they are, are not worthy to be compared with the glory and worthiness of these things.[8]
Isaac was so holy before his children, that when Jacob remembered God, he remembered
that he was 'the Fear of his father Isaac' (Gen 31:53).
Ah! when children can think of their parents, and bless God for that instruction
and good they have received from them, this is not only profitable for children,
but honourable, and comfortable to parents: 'The father of the righteous shall greatly
rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him' (Prov 23:24, 25).
Second, The duty of correction.
1. See if fair words will win them from evil. This is God's way with his children
(Jer 25:4, 5).
2. Let those words you speak to them in your reproof, be both sober, few, and pertinent,
adding always some suitable sentence of the scripture therewith; as, if they lie,
then such as (Rev 21:8, 27). If they refuse to hear the word, such as (2 Chron 25:14-16).
3. Look to them, that they be not companions with those that are rude and ungodly;
showing with soberness a continual dislike of their naughtiness; often crying out
to them, as God did of old unto his, 'Oh, do not this abominable thing that I hate'
(Jer 44:4).
4. Let all this be mixed with such love, pity, and compunction of spirit, that if
possible they may be convinced you dislike not their persons, but their sins. This
is God's way (Psa 99:8).
5. Be often endeavouring to fasten on their consciences the day of their death, and
judgment to come. Thus also God deals with his (Deu 32:29).
6. If thou art driven to the rod, then strike advisedly in cool blood, and soberly
show them, (1.) their fault; (2.) how much it is against thy heart thus to deal with
them; (3.) and that what thou dost, thou dost in conscience to God, and love to their
souls; (4.) and tell them, that if fair means would have done, none of this severity
should have been. This, I have proved it, will be a means to afflict their hearts
as well as their bodies; and it being the way that God deals with his, it is the
most likely to accomplish its end.
7. Follow all this with prayer to God for them, and leave the issue to him: 'Foolishness
is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from
him' (Prov 22:15).
Lastly, Observe these cautions,
1. Take heed that the misdeeds for which thou correctest thy children be not learned
them by thee. Many children learn that wickedness of their parents for which they
beat and chastise them.
2. Take heed thou smile not upon them, to encourage them in small faults, lest that
thy carriage to them be an encouragement to them to commit greater.
3. Take heed thou use not unsavoury and unseemly words in thy chastising of them,
as railing, miscalling, and the like: this is devilish.
4. Take heed thou do not use them to many chiding words and threatenings, mixed with
lightness and laughter; this will harden. Speak not much, nor often, but pertinent
to them with all gravity. [9]
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